Chemist:
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned. The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned. The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".
Computer programmer:
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
Biologist:
A biologist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, "Jump, frog, jump!"The frog jumped across the room.The biologist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, "Frog with four legs jumped eight feet."
Then he cut the frog's front legs off. Again he ordered, "Jump, frog, jump!"The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet.After measuring the distance, the biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with two legs jumped three feet."
Next, the biologist cut off the frog's back legs. Once more, he shouted, "Jump, frog, jump!"The frog just lay there."Jump, frog, jump!" the biologist repeated.Nothing.The biologist noted in his journal, "Frog with no legs - lost its hearing."
Doctor and Patient:
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news?Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Cup Holder:
A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs."The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!"The employee was a little confused and didn't know what to say. He finally asked her to describe the cup holder to him...he'd never heard of his company selling in-computer cup holders.So the lady went on to describe the cup holder to him. "Well, it pops out of the little box when I push a button, and it has 40x written on it..."
Perfect Worker Subject:
The perfect worker..... Please maximize the screen while you read this...... Have a nice day.....
1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.
Addendum:That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report Sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
World cup final:
A man had great tickets for the World Cup final.As he sits down, another man comes over and asks if anyone is Sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat is empty.""This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"The man shakes his head. "No they're all at the funeral."!!
Computer Programmer :
Starting the day with a conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.
Husband : (Returning late from work) "Good Evening” Dear, I'm now logged in."
Wife : Have you brought the grocery?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morning
Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife : What about my new TV?
Husband : Variable not found ...
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny?
Husband : Too many parameters ...
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are useless.
Husband : It's by Default.
Wife : What about your Salary?
Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.
Wife : What is my value in the family.
Husband : Unknown Virus
Woodcutter and his axe:
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter told Him that he had dropped his axe into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?", God asked. The woodcutter said "No". God again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?", God asked. The wood cutter said "No". God went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?", God asked. The wood cutter said "Yes". God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the three axes. The woodcutter went home happily. One day while he was walking with his wife along the river, his wife fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "My wife has fallen into water." God went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?", God asked. Yes", he said. God was furious,"YOOOOOU CHEEEEAT!! Now I am going to curse you......" The woodcutter quickly said, "Forgive me My Lord. It is a misunderstanding. If I say "No" to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. If I also say "No" to her, you will finally come up with my wife and I will say "Yes". Then you will give all the three to me. I am a poor man. I will not be able to look after all the three. So that's why I had to say "Yes"...
Cycle:
Ekdin ek boro shoro mota lok markete giyechen. Tar cycle ta baire raikha lok ta dokaner vitore gelen baazar korte.Dosh minute pore lok ta dokan theke baire aashlen. chari dike guira dekhen je taar cycle ta nei. keu unar cycle ta churi kore felechen. tokhon uni chete giye ekta boro crowd jome felechen. boro crowder shamne uni jore jore bolen "Je amar cycle churi korche, tara tari amar cycle de, or naile goto bar amar cycle churi korar pore ami ja korchilam, ekhon ami tai kormu." pura crowd got scared abong ek lok pichon theke aisha cycle ta firod diya gelen.tokhon boro shoro lok ta satisfied hoya cycle loiya choila jaite loichilo. thik tokhon ek lok crowd theke bollen "ei je bhai, gotobar jokhon aponar cycle churi korchilo, aponi ki korchen?" tokhon boro shoro lok ta bollen "Ji bhai, gotobar jokhon amar cycle churi korchilo, ami haitta bari gechilam.
Gari:
-Bhai....Apne ki garii kinchen?--Bolbo-Acha tikache....bolen--Bolam na...Bolbo-Boblo Boblo kortesen kintu bolen to-Are bhai....Bolbo garii kinchihahah...get it....He bought aVolvo but he cant say it.
